There is no one true way to find the person of your dreams. No person, book, or secret will give you 100% success in this area of life, because let’s face it, love isn’t a science. Love is a living being in itself, and as we all know, living things can sometimes be rather unpredictable. So I can’t guarantee that by following my tips here you will find the mate of your life. If I could, I’d be rich, and you’d all be giving me your money. Since you aren’t, you’ll have to read these tips and hope that they aid in the success of your future romance.
First off, and this is going to be a huge shocker to most college students, stop thinking you are going to find the love of your life in a bar/club/(insert trashy drunken scene here). The fact is that if you find someone who could be the man/woman of your dreams here, they were probably the man/woman of someone else’s dreams last weekend. And there is a good chance they will be the man/woman of someone else’s dreams next weekend. Do yourself a favor and look in places where the person you meet will remember your name tomorrow.
Meet People for the sake of Meeting People
I’ve noticed it takes students a long time to realize that sometimes it’s ok to meet someone without having a preset agenda. You don’t have to be looking for a best friend/drinking buddy/ man of your dreams… It’s ok to just meet, hang out, enjoy yourself without the weight of wondering what this is or where it’s going.
Also, try to spend more time with friends that aren’t friends with the rest of your friends. In doing this you will generally meet more new people, since you will meet their friends, which are not yet your friends. Many times we fall into the same routine, hang out with the same 3-6 people, and never meet anyone new. And then we complain about not meeting the right girl. It’s no wonder…
People who neglect this integral step often find that they continuously enter relationships, which they realize later, just aren’t working for them. And they do this over and over. If only they had enough experiences with enough different people to have a better understanding of what they wanted. All of those heartbreaks could have been avoided.
Every person I’ve ever met enjoys a good compliment. We all know a good compliment when we get one; “Your hair looks fantastic” when you just got it done, “That shirt makes you look big” when you’ve been working out. A good compliment just feels good. And everyone remembers the guy/girl that makes them feel good. Always be that person and it can only lead to good things.
Though it may not be on everyone’s list of sexiest characteristics, it definitely is one of the most important ones. People find a person of confidence absolutely irresistible. A confident suitor is the equivalent of the strongest, fastest lion in the jungle. They never go hungry, and they get all of the lionesses. Be the lion.
Be Smart with Your Emotions
It sounds silly just typing that title. But you have to understand the power of emotions before you start using them. Think about a big powerful machine, like a car. You don’t just get behind the steering wheel and start going. You have to understand the power, skills required, and responsibilities associated with operating a car. Then and only then can you be considered safe to operate such a powerful machine. Emotions are the same way. If you haven’t learned to control and use your emotions beneficially, you aren’t yet fit for a relationship.
I’d bet many relationships fail not because the two people couldn’t last, or weren’t in love, but because they were not readily equipped to handle their emotions. And when you can’t handle your emotions they become terribly destructive.
Avoid Romantic Blinders/ Have Real Expectations
This one is simple, and yet ignored more often than any other tip I have. If you are a religious person, you probably won’t have a successful marriage with an Atheist. If you hate sex, you probably won’t get along well with a nymphomaniac. Why do we psych ourselves into believing that love can conquer all? It really can’t people. It just can’t. Make a list of characteristics that are important for your future husband/wife to have. Do not enter into a relationship with someone that does not match the characteristics that you think are necessary. You won’t be able to convince them later on, and you don’t have the right to make them change, so save both of you the heartache and just don’t.
If you haven’t been in a serious relationship before this will probably be new to you. So let me be blunt. Imagine the perfect Man/Woman of your dreams. Somehow we always imagine that he/she is exactly what we want, does what we want, says what we want. There is no conflict, no disagreement, no chaos of any kind, right?
Now take that cloud of imagination that is floating above your eager mind and smash it to bits. This is not a Disney movie. This is real life. And to be honest real life is 10 times better than any Disney movie, and also 100 times worse. If these are your expectations you will probably never be truly happy. But if you understand that you will have to sacrifice, compromise, and basically give up some of your expectations in order to please the other person, and that you’ve found someone just as willing to do the same for you, you will be happier than those princesses ever dreamed. Because you will have found someone that isn’t perfect, and probably isn’t even perfect for you. What you will have found is someone even better. Someone who is willing and wanting to work hard and make sacrifices to be that person for you, because they love you and want to be all that for you and more. When you find someone who works to be that person, you will have found a real life, honest to goodness, Princess/Prince Charming.
Don’t Be Lazy
Laziness shows in every aspect of life, from gaining a few pounds to laundry on the floor. Nothing is more unattractive than a person who doesn’t have it together. You may not realize it now, but a relationship is much like laundry, if you don’t spend a few minutes routinely taking care of it, it will get worse and worse, and sooner or later it will be too late. Take care of yourself in every aspect of life.
What makes you interesting?
This question basically decides whether or not your relationship will last past the first date. For some people, looks may get you to date 2, but most of us want more. Answer that question, What makes you most interesting? If you don’t have a good answer, you don’t have what he/she wants, so you better get one.
Boys will be boys
This is something that I’m appalled some people still don’t get. Boys like video games and lifting weights, girls love to shop and (insert stereotypically female trait here). Don’t try to take that away from him/her. It’s what they do. You wouldn’t put a lion on a vegetarian diet, would you? Let him be him.
Show you care
If I asked your close friends how much you cared for them, would they have a serious answer? Would they know, or would they be assuming? Let people know how much you care about them and they will automatically care more about you. The easiest way to turn an acquaintance into a friend is by having them understand that their friendship is important to you. And if they know you value a relationship with them, a relationship with you becomes more valuable to them.
Don’t just listen
Contrary to popular belief, being a good listener isn’t that great. People don’t enjoy friends that listen; they enjoy friends that listen, understand, respond, communicate, and share. Believe me, it takes a lot more effort than just hearing them. Be interested in them.
A nice girl is ok. A great girl is cool. A cute girl is awesome. A sexy girl is irresistible. Which do you want to be?
Do the little things that make you sexy. Perfume, lotion, proper grooming, nice clothing, a nice smile, and many more things will boost the SEX factor, which will lead to increased attention from the opposite sex. Be careful, though, too much sexiness and you’ll find yourself crowded with too many people wanting your sexiness. Use sexy wisely.
- always smile. people love happy people.
- ask interesting questions. everyone loves talking about themselves, and interestingly enough they will find you intriguing just by you letting them talk about what makes them interesting.
- Never be “too available.” people like people who have their own things going on.
- Be Yourself. Though it’s probably said too often, you’ll find it too hard to keep up the facade, and sooner or later they’ll find out who you really are.
- Skip the games. I don’t think anyone really enjoys the games that people go through when trying to get into a relationship. Do yourself a favor, be the person who skips the games. He/She will greatly appreciate it.
- Keep High Standards. Don’t let him/her think you are willing to settle, or that you deserve less than you want. Keep your standards high. It’s better to be alone than to give yourself to someone who wont appreciate you.
- Show genuine interest. People love people interested in themselves.
- Always Improve Yourself. The bums will be scared off by your pro-activeness, and those working to improve themselves will find you irresistible.
- Surround yourself with great people. You will be judged by the company you keep. It may not be ideal, but it’s the truth.
- Go Where Mr. Perfect will be. If you are looking for a well read person, don’t look in bars and clubs. Instead check out book stores and book readings, etc…
So what do you do to find the Man or Woman of your dreams? What tips can you give others to help from making the same mistakes over and over again? Leave comments and let us know.