There is no one true way to find the person of your dreams. No person, book, or secret will give you 100% success in this area of life, because let’s face it, love isn’t a science. Love is a living being in itself, and as we all know, living things can sometimes be rather unpredictable. So I can’t guarantee that by following my tips here you will find the mate of your life. If I could, I’d be rich, and you’d all be giving me your money. Since you aren’t, you’ll have to read these tips and hope that they aid in the success of your future romance.
Preface
First off, and this is going to be a huge shocker to most college students, stop thinking you are going to find the love of your life in a bar/club/(insert trashy drunken scene here). The fact is that if you find someone who could be the man/woman of your dreams here, they were probably the man/woman of someone else’s dreams last weekend. And there is a good chance they will be the man/woman of someone else’s dreams next weekend. Do yourself a favor and look in places where the person you meet will remember your name tomorrow.
Meet People for the sake of Meeting People
I’ve noticed it takes students a long time to realize that sometimes it’s ok to meet someone without having a preset agenda. You don’t have to be looking for a best friend/drinking buddy/ man of your dreams… It’s ok to just meet, hang out, enjoy yourself without the weight of wondering what this is or where it’s going.
Also, try to spend more time with friends that aren’t friends with the rest of your friends. In doing this you will generally meet more new people, since you will meet their friends, which are not yet your friends. Many times we fall into the same routine, hang out with the same 3-6 people, and never meet anyone new. And then we complain about not meeting the right girl. It’s no wonder…
People who neglect this integral step often find that they continuously enter relationships, which they realize later, just aren’t working for them. And they do this over and over. If only they had enough experiences with enough different people to have a better understanding of what they wanted. All of those heartbreaks could have been avoided.
Compliment Everyone
Every person I’ve ever met enjoys a good compliment. We all know a good compliment when we get one; “Your hair looks fantastic” when you just got it done, “That shirt makes you look big” when you’ve been working out. A good compliment just feels good. And everyone remembers the guy/girl that makes them feel good. Always be that person and it can only lead to good things.
Be Brave
Though it may not be on everyone’s list of sexiest characteristics, it definitely is one of the most important ones. People find a person of confidence absolutely irresistible. A confident suitor is the equivalent of the strongest, fastest lion in the jungle. They never go hungry, and they get all of the lionesses. Be the lion.
Be Smart with Your Emotions
It sounds silly just typing that title. But you have to understand the power of emotions before you start using them. Think about a big powerful machine, like a car. You don’t just get behind the steering wheel and start going. You have to understand the power, skills required, and responsibilities associated with operating a car. Then and only then can you be considered safe to operate such a powerful machine. Emotions are the same way. If you haven’t learned to control and use your emotions beneficially, you aren’t yet fit for a relationship.
I’d bet many relationships fail not because the two people couldn’t last, or weren’t in love, but because they were not readily equipped to handle their emotions. And when you can’t handle your emotions they become terribly destructive.
Avoid Romantic Blinders/ Have Real Expectations
This one is simple, and yet ignored more often than any other tip I have. If you are a religious person, you probably won’t have a successful marriage with an Atheist. If you hate sex, you probably won’t get along well with a nymphomaniac. Why do we psych ourselves into believing that love can conquer all? It really can’t people. It just can’t. Make a list of characteristics that are important for your future husband/wife to have. Do not enter into a relationship with someone that does not match the characteristics that you think are necessary. You won’t be able to convince them later on, and you don’t have the right to make them change, so save both of you the heartache and just don’t.
Understand Compromise
If you haven’t been in a serious relationship before this will probably be new to you. So let me be blunt. Imagine the perfect Man/Woman of your dreams. Somehow we always imagine that he/she is exactly what we want, does what we want, says what we want. There is no conflict, no disagreement, no chaos of any kind, right?
Now take that cloud of imagination that is floating above your eager mind and smash it to bits. This is not a Disney movie. This is real life. And to be honest real life is 10 times better than any Disney movie, and also 100 times worse. If these are your expectations you will probably never be truly happy. But if you understand that you will have to sacrifice, compromise, and basically give up some of your expectations in order to please the other person, and that you’ve found someone just as willing to do the same for you, you will be happier than those princesses ever dreamed. Because you will have found someone that isn’t perfect, and probably isn’t even perfect for you. What you will have found is someone even better. Someone who is willing and wanting to work hard and make sacrifices to be that person for you, because they love you and want to be all that for you and more. When you find someone who works to be that person, you will have found a real life, honest to goodness, Princess/Prince Charming.
Don’t Be Lazy
Laziness shows in every aspect of life, from gaining a few pounds to laundry on the floor. Nothing is more unattractive than a person who doesn’t have it together. You may not realize it now, but a relationship is much like laundry, if you don’t spend a few minutes routinely taking care of it, it will get worse and worse, and sooner or later it will be too late. Take care of yourself in every aspect of life.
What makes you interesting?
This question basically decides whether or not your relationship will last past the first date. For some people, looks may get you to date 2, but most of us want more. Answer that question, What makes you most interesting? If you don’t have a good answer, you don’t have what he/she wants, so you better get one.
Boys will be boys
This is something that I’m appalled some people still don’t get. Boys like video games and lifting weights, girls love to shop and (insert stereotypically female trait here). Don’t try to take that away from him/her. It’s what they do. You wouldn’t put a lion on a vegetarian diet, would you? Let him be him.
Show you care
If I asked your close friends how much you cared for them, would they have a serious answer? Would they know, or would they be assuming? Let people know how much you care about them and they will automatically care more about you. The easiest way to turn an acquaintance into a friend is by having them understand that their friendship is important to you. And if they know you value a relationship with them, a relationship with you becomes more valuable to them.
Don’t just listen
Contrary to popular belief, being a good listener isn’t that great. People don’t enjoy friends that listen; they enjoy friends that listen, understand, respond, communicate, and share. Believe me, it takes a lot more effort than just hearing them. Be interested in them.
Be Sexy
A nice girl is ok. A great girl is cool. A cute girl is awesome. A sexy girl is irresistible. Which do you want to be?
Do the little things that make you sexy. Perfume, lotion, proper grooming, nice clothing, a nice smile, and many more things will boost the SEX factor, which will lead to increased attention from the opposite sex. Be careful, though, too much sexiness and you’ll find yourself crowded with too many people wanting your sexiness. Use sexy wisely.
Quick Tips
- always smile. people love happy people.
- ask interesting questions. everyone loves talking about themselves, and interestingly enough they will find you intriguing just by you letting them talk about what makes them interesting.
- Never be “too available.” people like people who have their own things going on.
- Be Yourself. Though it’s probably said too often, you’ll find it too hard to keep up the facade, and sooner or later they’ll find out who you really are.
- Skip the games. I don’t think anyone really enjoys the games that people go through when trying to get into a relationship. Do yourself a favor, be the person who skips the games. He/She will greatly appreciate it.
- Keep High Standards. Don’t let him/her think you are willing to settle, or that you deserve less than you want. Keep your standards high. It’s better to be alone than to give yourself to someone who wont appreciate you.
- Show genuine interest. People love people interested in themselves.
- Always Improve Yourself. The bums will be scared off by your pro-activeness, and those working to improve themselves will find you irresistible.
- Surround yourself with great people. You will be judged by the company you keep. It may not be ideal, but it’s the truth.
- Go Where Mr. Perfect will be. If you are looking for a well read person, don’t look in bars and clubs. Instead check out book stores and book readings, etc…
So what do you do to find the Man or Woman of your dreams? What tips can you give others to help from making the same mistakes over and over again? Leave comments and let us know.
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
Great advice!
I’d only like to add a little bit to the “be yourself.”
Be the best version of you. Not the lazy, lame regular you that often comes out.
Janes last blog post at [site] was..Ageism III: Does your birth order impact the preference of your mate’s age?
This is honestly one of the best blog posts I have ever read! Thank you so much! Jane your addition is perfect as well. I really can’t stress enough that you need to make a list of the things (realistic, but not settling) of the characteristics you need from your ideal man/woman & then go to approperate places to meet them! Also step out of your comfort zone once in a while!
Good Luck everyone!
Thanks Jane and Ashlee. Your kind words mean a lot. I spent a lot of time thinking about this one, and I’m glad to see you guys enjoyed it. I hope it helps!
Very cool. I Stumble’d this, and will be giving it a thumbs up. So much of this is common sense – yet, so few people get it.
Will definitely be emailing a link to my romantically challenged friends
Thanks!
This is a very informative post. So many well organized tips.. I, too, stumbledupon this and I give it a thumbs up. More people should read this!
Be yourself. Believe in yourself. You don’t have to be someone else to get the girl/guy in your dreams. Affirmation works. Just don’t be overconfident.
Thanks for the stumbles, everyone. Yesterday this article alone received 9000+ visits!
Good posts= lots of hits! Keep up the awesome work Ibrahim!
I can attest to the effectiveness of this blog, as Mr. Husain has made me one of the happiest people I know!
And don’t think you only have to do these things while your looking for someone! We’re five years into our relationship and we’re still doing every one.
…or at least trying to
farahks last blog post at [site] was..Common Herbicide Causes Hermaphroditic Frogs, May Also Cause Cancer in Humans
Farah, my baby, we sure are!
Great advice.
I’m recently getting out of a two-year relationship and find it somewhat difficult getting back into the whole dating scene. This post helped me identify some of the problems with my old relationship as well as offer great tips that I will definitely be using in the future.
Thanks!
well yes, simple short and good written)))
thankyou
This is the most ridiculous hetero- normative crap I’ve ever read. Complimenting everyone makes you fake and a kiss up. Don’t always smile, it’s creepy. Understand that laundry on the floor doesn’t mean you’re lazy, it means you’re human. Just be yourself and someone out there who appreciates genuineness and isn’t as fake as the above list will fall in love with you.
I would like to add something I realized as I was making a list of characteristics I hope my future husband will have.
After you make the list, check to see how many of those characteristics you match up with. You can’t expect someone else to work towards being your ideal if you won’t work towards being your own ideal.
I think this blog is very interesting and I’m going to give it a try.
Smiling, complimenting, tidy-ing up.
I already have the lotion down!
@Smarter Thanyou: I have a lot to say about your comment, and I really hope you get this…
Complementing everyone doesn’t make you fake, it makes you attentive, and people like it when you pay attention to them. I didn’t say complement everyone around you, one after the other. That would be rude and insincere, which we are obviously trying to avoid.
Next, smiling all the time doesn’t make you creepy. It makes you a happy person. Anyone who doesn’t like someone who is always happy is most obviously jealous. Maybe life just isn’t going that well for you right now, but a good ole fashion smile has the potential to make all the difference in someone’s day.
Finally, laundry on the floor is a sign that you just don’t have your life together. Maybe a mild sign, but a sign none the less. Just like if you have a messy desk people might assume that you are a messy person who is probably not very productive… It might not be true, but that’s how it looks.
I’m sorry that you are jaded by what you call “hetero-normative crap” but with your attitude you’ll be lucky to find anyone who “likes you for you.”
Finding the person of your dreams is about finding someone who has many characteristics you are looking for in a mate. It is my guess that even if you do find this person, if you don’t have get your life together, they aren’t going to have any interest in you.
You should really think about what I have written here. It’s not just about “being yourself” when you are looking for the best. It’s about “being the best version of yourself” so that you may attract the best… I hope you understand.
Thanks for your comment, though, it gives readers a chance to see the difference between what I’ve posted and what some others are out there trying to spread.
@Cara, you are absolutely right. I think people expect that they automatically deserve what they want, without realizing the amount of work they will have to put into themselves to truly deserve it.
Just because you know what you want doesn’t mean you deserve it or are going to get it. Let’s remember, they have to be interested in you as well, and if you adopt ‘Smarter Thanyou’s’ attitude the person of your dreams probably wont even give you a second look.
Thanks for the comments everyone!
I think Smarter Thanyou will find someone sooner than anyone who follows any of the advice given on this page. He or she has spunk, is honest and hit the nail on the hammer. Ibrahim, maybe you could think about taking the straight, HETERO NORMATIVE,closed minded veil off of this blog. Also, any woman who read this and believes that she has to be “sexy” to meet her soul mate will never meet their soul mate. See, most people don’t place the value of a soul mate on sex appeal. And yeah, smiling all the time is creepy. And don’t give a compliment unless you mean it. And dude, lighten up. Laundry on the floor happens. There are a lot more important things in life to worry about.
To Bob and Smarter Thanyou – that may very well be your opinion and you’re at liberty to hold it. Go ahead, shine and manipulate the advice given here into something you feel capable of dealing with. It’s a blatant demonstration that you’re hardened for reasons probably better off as remaining unbeknown to us. If birds of a feather flock together, then flock with others that share your consciousness of dismal energy. C’ya!
To Ibrahim – THANK YOU!
As a heterosexual woman, long out of college and through one marriage, please know that the “tips” you are offering to college students follow us throughout life. What you are suggesting is a way of living. The same ideas apply everywhere we go in life in the USA. If we want to find a soulmate in someone of another culture, we must steep ourselves in that culture to understand its norms. My guess is that in many areas of the world, your “tips” would be useful. I wonder why you cal them “tips” when they are so much more than that. There is so much wisdom in what you say, that the word “tips” does not really describe them well. I would suggest using a name like “Wise Ways” or something like that, as what you have to say is so meaningful for people in all stages of life. That is one way of knowing that what you say here is written with a good deal of wisdom. Happiness, fun and laughter will attract people to one another, but the other aspects you write about are also very important. You seem to be young yourself. Yet wise and unaffected. I found you on Stumble. I am going to check out your site often. I have offered my email. You have done a rare act of kindness by giving it to heteros the way it is. I know. I have traveled the paths and learned. Thank You.
uknowuluvit and Kate1218, thanks for your comments. I sometimes wonder if my writing is really getting through. It’s easy to read a blog. It’s harder to read a blog, comprehend its meaning, and decide if it is worth changing yourself for. I’m glad to see that you guys get it.
Doing the things that I have outlined here isn’t about ways to “trick” someone into liking you. It’s about working on yourself so that you increase the ability to be liked. I’m sure many of us have great personalities. But at the end of the day, a great personality sometimes isn’t enough.
I’m sorry if this takes some of the sparkle away from falling in love and thinking that the other person will automatically love you for you. But sometimes we need to work on ourselves so that the other person can even get a chance to fall in love with us.
This is a great post! I also stumbled on it, and I’m glad I did. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now, much to the shock of all my friends and even myself. He’s not exactely “relationship material.” After reading this article I realize that we both have so many of these characteristics, I guess that’s why we sync up so well.
Very insightful article, thanks!
Thanks for the Stumble Alison, and I’m glad you enjoyed it!
This is an awesome blog. I too stumble’d this. I recently got married and my relationship is awesome with my husband. All the time I am asked for advice about what we do to keep things smooth. From now on I will refer to this blog to help with the explaining!
Thanks Ibrahim
Nice tips.
Thank you.
I’ll try not to be “Too available” anymore!
Ibrahim:
I love how concise yet informative it is. You seem to have a very well thought outlook on life, would you recommend any books that have helped you develop these thoughts. Or really just any books for self-development/life in general that you have though worth reading. I am an entrepreneur who loves to learn… the more the better.
This is very well written! I will be sending many of my friends hear to read it. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It reminds me of Dale Carnegie’s teachings.
Thanks again,
Todd
PS I love the tip “Go Where Ms. Perfect will be” —-> My Dad always says you’re not going to catch a trophy Bass fishing in a polluted pond! YOU have to GO fishing where the good fish are. Also, you’re not going to catch any fish unless your line in the water.
Gay! Just bonk her on the head and drag her home.