Zen College Life

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This week I have chosen for us to focus on compliments and criticisms.  This is a two fold focus.  We will focus on the importance and significance of giving both compliments and criticisms.

Sometimes we may find ourselves becoming lazy or just not focused on the importance of our words.  This is a terrible place to be in.  If you find that you are not consciously giving compliments each day, and giving real thought to the type and amount of criticisms you give out daily, you could find yourself in a world of trouble.  A lack of compliments can cause those closest to you to feel unimportant or unnoticed, while too much criticism will cause people to feel as though you are attacking them, or are disappointed in them.

I’m sure this is not what you want, and it’s not what I want either.  So let’s focus on the importance of each of these, and how to manage our use of them better.

Compliments

Compliments are like gifts.  And like gifts, they are not all created equally.  Some compliments are wonderful and put the receiver on top of the world, while others are like thoughtless gifts that the cause receiver to say thanks for and never thinks about again.  The use of a compliment is much like the choosing of a gift.  You have to be sincere, find something useful or important, and deliver it in such a way that the receiver can tell you noticed them, you thought of them, or you are paying attention to them.  If your compliment makes the receiver feel special, then you have delivered it successfully.  If the receiver doesn’t seem affected by, or negatively affected by your compliment, chances are you weren’t successful.

Criticism

Criticism is equally important, but on the opposite side of the spectrum.  Criticism should be given out sparingly, and should be chosen and worded very carefully, with the receiver’s thoughts and feelings in mind.  Chances are if the receiver didn’t ask for your criticism, they don’t want it.  And if they don’t want it, they won’t take it to heart.  If your receiver is to accept your criticism, it must be delivered like a fragile package, with respect and care, and if possible sandwhiched between compliments.  This is the best way to ensure that your criticisms are taken seriously and that your opinion continues to matter to the receiver.

I know the ideas here are simple, and that nobody is going to learn much from this post.  But it is always important to be reminded of these things, especially considering the affects they have on our day to day like and the relationships we have with others.

Take this weekly focus to heart, go forth, and be great! You have no good reason not too.

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